How can you accept yourself despite immense self-hatred?

I honestly don't like the way I am. I'm such a weak guy, and have been messed with elementary through high school, and even a little bit of college. Even though I look tough, when people find out the way I really am, they're severely disappointed and lose all respect for me, because they expect me to be someone tough, and I'm not. Even though people exercise to get stronger, no matter how much I exercise, I still have such a "weak" personality, and I'm scared of conflict. I just don't have the will to do anything, and people expect me to be "Mr. happy" despite them not knowing what I go through and my circumstances.

There's sooo much problems I have with myself, but I don't feel like typing them all. It would take days literally, so ppl... How can I learn to accept myself??

How can you accept yourself despite immense self-hatred?opera.com

I'm a former Royal Marines Commando, and served on active service three times during my 14 years 'stint'. I am also an ex-professional wrestler and night club bouncer trainer (as well, obviously, as doing the job myself), so you'd think I was really tough, wouldn't you? But I'm not really, it's mostly all show. EVERYONE, unless they're a mindless idiot, feels fear, or weakness and definitely apprehension, when confronted with possible physical confrontation, and the tendency is to be disgusted with yourself because of it, but it's that fear or apprehension, that gives you the power of flight or fight (common sense will decide which is which at the time). You just need a bit more confidence at the moment, which you will get naturally and which will get stronger as you grow older. An excellent way to start is to join a local Martial Arts club, where every member who has joined knew nothing to start with remember. It will teach you self discipline, healthy exercise and, most of all, 'confidence' and self worth, and prepare you better to face and cope with the everyday problems (and enjoyments, don't forget) that we all have to face from time to time. Go for it pal, and bloody good luck to you!!

How can you accept yourself despite immense self-hatred?amc theatre opera theaterHi, young_pain. Thanks for choosing me as best answer, I'm truly flattered. But, unless there's a good reason for "trying it later", don't put it off. DO IT NOW! %26amp; remember, "failure cannot win with persistence". Again, good luck old mate!! Report It


stop. nothing in the past matters, as you have no control over changing it. you only have control over the future. choose to accept yourself, do something positive every day, and try to be more optimistic. regret will kill you man, just let it go. i've done some horrible, hateful things in my past but there is just nothing you can do about that. we all grow as human beings so let yourself evolve into the one you want to be. peace hommie.
The more assertive you become, the more respect you will have with yourself...I am the same way, and having a child changed some of that for me. I had to stand up for him and myself to be able to be the parent that I wanted to become. I am not saying that I want you to have a child. I am saying that something will happen that will make you become assertive.

Also, are you not happy with yourself or are you just not happy that other people are not happy with you? If you truly are not happy with yourself, start writing down what you notice. For example, if you come across an emotion that you are feeling and are not quite sure where it is coming from, write it down and what happened right before that. Do some soul searching, is there something that happened in the past that causes you to fear confrontation? are you afraid of people not liking you or being mad at you? Where does this fear come from?

Journaling may sound a bit feminine, but trust me, it really helps you focus and find things out.
It will be hard at first but if you keep doing it intime it will become easy...

Learn to love the you thats not your mind, or what people think of you, or your past, etc,, reconnect with your spirit

only focus on what you like about you, or anything else. Don't think any negative thoughts at all.

Start to monitor your thoughts and don't judge them, just observe, watch the patterns your mind runs . You are not your thoughts you are the greater being observing those thoughts, when you listen to your spirit it will guide you to a happy live

get the book "The Power of Now."
I don't think it's something you can just do over night. Does your college have psychiatrists that you can talk to? Mine does and it's not to big so I assume they all do. It's free and it sounds like you need professional help. I would suggest you try to talk to someone like that.
to accept the truth that God created you a unique and much loved person. He did not create you to be acceptable to others because you are totally acceptable to him. He has a purpose for your life, something only you are predestined to fulfill. Live by strong principles and have faith in God's goodness throughout your life. Your thoughts are coloured by allowing others to create a false image of who you think you are. look upwards, not inwards or around you. replace negative thoughts with positive ones, try and meet with like minded people who are not judgemental. God bless.
Hi there! First, getting into conflicts isn't being tough. It's being strong, not letting you're temper get out of control. It sounds like you have a lot of issues that you are trying to work through. Please go to your doctor and be truthful with him about your feelings. There is help out there, so please take that first important step in getting it. Trust me, if you do get help, someday you will be comfortable with who you are and have a happy fulfilling life. Don't waste any more time feeling this way, get help. Hope this helped, take care and God bless!
just because you dont like conflict that does not make you weak. you are strong enough to face up to your problems, else you wouldnt be posting this question.

Clearly i dont know you, but i dont think you should hate yourself that much. i hope you get many answers that make you realise you are worth more than you first thought x
You cant do much about the past, you have to look to the future, learn to like and love yourself, it takes time and small steps, you will get there in the end!!!! Learning to do things yerself and relising no one else will do it for you, my mum always said to me "if you dont ask you dont get" Its true, you got to make things happen, very rarely they happen on there own!! When i was a wee lad i wouldn't say boo to a mouse, but now, am totally comfortable with my self, thats the key, learn to be that, and anything else you can take in your stride!!! Also its not about getting into conflicts, the toughie is usually the one who avoids conflict!! Hang in there bud, i know theres ppl out there that can give ye better advice!!!
You sound like a decent person to me mate,

as for havin a weak personality and havin loads of problems, stop focusing on the bad bits and focus on the good bits about yourself ( yes you have got some), and in time you'll see yourself in a different light.

As for ppl expectin you to be "tough", why would you care what they think if thats all they can see in you.!

We all have problems, ok some maybe worse than others but we all have to get through them and thats what makes us decent ppl

Take care
Find something that you like about yourself, and accept that you are good at something. It's not being vain to know that you are good at something, say exercise for instance, no matter how superficial it may seem.

Next, focus on something you don't like about yourself, and take steps to improve that side of you. If people are messing with you, don't be aggressive with them, just look at them like they are really, really stupid, and they might back off.

And you don't have to be "Mr. Happy" all the time. You can be "Mr. Even Keel", or "Mr. Low Key" if you like.

Good luck, and I hope you learn to like yourself!
I totally agree with taraolgi that joining a martial arts club will help you to deal with the inner conflict you are experiencing.

As an ex guidance adviser I can tell you that most of the young men that I had dealings with benefited so much from joining a martial arts group. Not only did it give them confidence and self esteem it also gave them the insight into how other young people felt about themselves and it was no too long before they realised that they were not alone in having these feelings.

The feelings of self hate can be attributed to the growing up process and many of us suffer this anguish until we become more confident within ourselves. And another thing remember that you are allowed to makes mistakes as it sounds to me that you are being too hard on yourself for feeling you are a weak guy. So you don't want to punch someone lights out so what! Being scared of conflict is a survival thing I would say but it does not mean you are a coward. Let those who want to fight, fight it does not mean you are a lesser person because you don't want to fight.

I think that you would benefit from cognitive therapy as well and perhaps speaking to your GP for a referral to see a therapist is the first line of attack for you. It will help you to understand why you feel inadequate. Also it may help you to come terms with who you are and not keep fighting it mentally.

All in all you are growing up and you are in need of support and guidance. So please discuss this with your GP and everything you say to him will be treated in strictest confidence.

All the best to you and hopefully you will start feeling better about yourself. Nettiex
As I heard in a film a few nights back, ''I hate it when someone doesn't live up to their stereotype.'

So, you're not like others expect you to be. Well, your not alone in that, though I doubt that bit of information helps you any right now.

Sorry, but the simple and likely the best answer is to 'get Professional help.'

You can swim around and or tread water and looking for a way out for a long time, but there comes a time when you need the help of someone to help you find your way to the metaphorical shoreline.

It may be a bit of a cliche, but someone whose head is higher above the surface of the water than yours, can see what you can't.

Good luck.

Sash.